shame on me

well, the woman gave me the dreaded ultimatum tonight. her or the shoes. i tried to reason with her and explain how theyve cured my knee and back problems and how theyve changed my life. i guess ill just not be going out in public nearly as much anymore.
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  • Look man, you do what's right for you, but if my fiancee told me that, I'd tell her I'm keeping the shoes, and if that's honestly a deal breaker, than that's on her.  Not because I value vibrams more than her - lord, no - but because I don't think relationships work with ultimatums.  If it were something like "me or the heroin" then I could understand, but here, she's basically telling you that you have to sacrifice your health and well being so that she's not embarrassed by what you wear.
  • so I guess this means you'll be going barefoot everywhere?

    I just can't fathom that ultimatum. I'm the one who discovered VFFs last year and convinced my husband into getting them with me. Granted he was an easy convert. People don't even look twice at my husband's black treks even when he wears shorts.  That just seems pretty self-centered. Sorry man. :(
  • So I'm guessing you're single now? Ultimatums over shoes is really petty and isn't a good sign, especially since she's never tried them.
  • wow...not sure i got much else for you other than wow.  i cannot believe a serious conversation included that ultimatum 
  • I can see someone drawing a line in the sand over a wedding, funeral or other significant event where just as a matter of respect, you wouldn't want to put VFFs over the occasion.  But if we are talking about just living your normal life, I'm concerned for you.  As others have said, that shouldn't be the basis of an ultimatum, especially given all the positives the VFFs have brought you.  My partner really strongly dislikes my VFFs, but doesn't tell me  I can't wear them.  I may get eye rolls, but that's it.  Most other people I encounter just like them.

    I hope you can work things out.   
  • it wasnt so much the shoes, but the fact that "if i couldnt give these up, how can she trust me on something bigger and more serious". its really frustrating. if i could only get her in a pair, and i know i can itll just take a while. this actually is a step in that direction. confusing, i know. Its really not so much tht she hates em, but that she doesnt want other people to see them. im clueless why she cares what other people think, i dont know why anyone does but thats just me.

    @seret: definately!  ;) and i wear black treks also. i wore them on a date once and she didnt even notice until she leaned over to tie her shoes.
  • oh, i forgot to add this. shes def on the fence right now. i cant walk 20 feet in normal shoes without pain, and if she is that embarassed of me then she wont be around when she gets to know me better anyway. just sayin.
  • Morgan I can feel your pain.  My wife HATES my VFF, all three pair.  She has not given me a ultimatum but I do not push it too terribly hard either.  I wear my classics on weekends and if I am going someplace without her.  I wear my treks to work, and she does not see me there.  I will be wearing my biks for running only (i think) and she is not doing that either.  I want to wear them more than I do, but flip-flops will not kill me.

    I just keep reminding her that I am not running or training in anything other than VFF.  If she wants me to get fat and be lazy that is fine, but that is on her.  She is just happy that I am running again, and pain free.
  • My gf did the same thing to me till I told her straight up they help me now she just shrugs me off and I try and wear my Chuck Taylors (which im trying to remove the insole in) when we go into a restaurant or something but they never stay on for more than an hour before they give me lots of trouble.
  • on 1275221589:

    it wasnt so much the shoes, but the fact that "if i couldnt give these up, how can she trust me on something bigger and more serious". its really frustrating.


    How can she "trust" you on something bigger?  No no no, don't fall for that one.  This isn't an issue of trust because there's no dishonesty involved.  You're doing something she doesn't like, but you're doing it right in front of her.  No trust issue.

    and it's interesting she puts it that way because I'd look at the situation as just the reverse.  If she's willing to leave you over your shoes having toes, what's next?  If she wants you to carry a blackberry and you want an iphone, is that a deal breaker?  If she doesn't like your haircut?  I mean, where does it stop?
  • today is the shoes, what's tomorrow?  I'm not an ass or anything but it's a reality of life, you give them that much say over a freaking pair of shoes today and they'll ride your ass for the rest of your life.  
  • Extortion is not a basis for a healthy relationship if I get that right :P If you think it is you may have Stockholm Syndrome :P
  • hahaha! no i do not have stockholm, but i did get a luagh outa that. thanks. and before this, there hasnt been anything like this. she is ussually pretty relaxed about it. doesnt really care. and i never wear em around her intentionally. if i remember, i wear sandals or chucks. or go completely barefoot. :) but honestly, its a step towards getting her in some fives. 0r at least accepting them. its a wierd relationship, but i like it.
  • Wow is about the only word that comes to mind. I would drop this female like a bad habit! (which to be serious she sounds like an Extremely bad habit) Walk away and don't look back man. This is about the dumbest thing ive ever heard, sorry.
  • on 1275236147:

    hahaha! no i do not have stockholm, but i did get a luagh outa that. thanks. and before this, there hasnt been anything like this. she is ussually pretty relaxed about it. doesnt really care. and i never wear em around her intentionally. if i remember, i wear sandals or chucks. or go completely barefoot. :) but honestly, its a step towards getting her in some fives. 0r at least accepting them. its a wierd relationship, but i like it.

    Hide all her shoes (if that is even possible) and only leave one pair of VFF :P
  • Wow, that sucks man.  My partner really didn't like the look of VFF at first, but grew to accept them after seeing how much I enjoy running in them, and is even considering getting a pair (1.5years later).  If your footwear is the cause for an ultimatum/breakup, you might want to question what the relationship is ultimately about.  If my partner told me to choose either my VFF or breakup, it would be an easy decision, my health and well being.
  • I am incredibly curious as to what ever happened here morgan with this girl! I came across this post by chance.

    I hope you told her to hit the road (in her VFF free feet) if she kept with that ultimatum?

    Ultimatums are just not a healthy thing overall to "put on" a partner, and not a sign of a healthy emotionally aware woman!

    And to make it an issue of trust? What is up with that! This is not a trust issue at all. She sounds incredibly immature.

    My husband and I both are VFF owners, so no issues there, but gosh, there are plenty of times my husband is aghast at what I am wearing, I am sure, and he may laugh a little, but he would never tell me what to wear (or not wear) or that it is "the clothes or him". I am proud to walk down the street with him in his crazy Hawaiian shirts, if that is what he so desires to wear that particular day.  My husband may wonder why I need more than one pair of VFF's (for running in various conditions of course!), but then I wonder why he needs four pairs of hiking boots (for hiking....in the same conditions, ha ha?), but we certainly don't get on one another about it!



  • well it just kinda blew over. i just dont wear em around her or anywhere i think she'll show up. coach doesnt let me work out in them either but oh well. me and liz actually just moved on and forgot about it. very happy right now and have been. :)
  • She sounds very shallow, maybe you like shallow
  • on 1279900382:

    She sounds very shallow, maybe you like shallow


    lol
  • on 1279900382:

    She sounds very shallow, maybe you like shallow


    Well, anything deeper than say...6mm or so...and his feet might get wet in his VFF's.  ;)
  • My wife is allowing me to wear my black KSO's to her mothers 50th birthday party.  Its a dress up event.    Hooray for my wife!
  • on 1279912017:

    My wife is allowing me to wear my black KSO's to he mothers 50th birthday party.  Its a dress up event.    Hooray for my wife!

    Indeed, hooray for your wife!!! AS it should be imho
  • In all seriousness, I think she's bluffing. Ultimatums are a tactic that some people (mostly women) use to extort their partners, but I think people are rarely willing to follow through. So I recommend calling her bluff. If she was bluffing, the relationship will be better because she will realize she can't use petty tactics to get her way. If she's not bluffing, then she's a crazy b1+(h and you deserve better.

    - Chris
  • Reading this thread was making me frustrated! I'm sorry, but as an adult (male or female) you should be able to wear whatever you want. If she's deciding what kind of shoes you can wear now, what will it be later? Who you can be friends with? What time you can stay out till? She's acting like your mom, not your girl. She sounds very insecure about herself, and knowingly or not, she's projecting onto you.
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